Unsent Letters
by S.Walden
Summary: Yamato sits down to write a suicide note, wondering if it will be the last one. YamatoxJyou pairing. One-shot. Kinda fluffy.


Unsent Letters

A/N: A short one-shot. Jyoumato. Hope you all like it. It's how I kill my Friday nights.

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><p>You would probably get mad, but I didn't remember the second when<p>

I looked into your eyes or heard your voice

For the first time in this eternity

Yamato crumbled the paper up. It had to be simple. Lyrics weren't going to do it. Simple. That was how _he_ liked things: simple.

_Jyou,_

_ I don't remember when I first fell in love with you. I didn't even know what that meant at the time. My heart had been shattered for so long and I had wanted to give up for even longer, but you were there, looking back at me. When I turned around one day, you were there waiting for me, I mean. Well, not me exactly. Koushiro introduced us, remember? Things were awkward then. He left you. Taichi left me. They were happy. But then we saw one another on opposite ends of the universe, like two dying suns, and gravitated toward each other. _

_ The whole thing, now, was foolish. We were rebounding. We probably don't even belong together, I see that finally. You're too uptight, I'm too selfish. You're so kind hearted and I'm so miserable. I'm pathetic and you're this beautiful healing angel. I'm sorry you can't heal me._

_ You said I was the one who asked if we were in love. I guess I was still blocking things out then, but you said yes. Like we were getting married or something. We were, though. I mean, it's been nine years now. We have two beautiful kids. We never got that house we wanted, though, but a family was always more important. _

_ We worked our asses off. You never finished med school, but I didn't blame you. That wasn't who you really were. I stayed in my band but we both know it's going to end soon. Like me. Sorry._

_ It's just I can no longer do this. I can't sit here and hold everyone back. You. The kids. Hell, our friends, when we speak to them. They look at us like we're failures. I made us that way, though. I took you away from money and school and taught you to abandon it for simple pleasures. I was so, so wrong, Jyou. Go back and do what your parents were trying to do. They were right when they said I was a bad influence on you. All I've done for ten fucking years is drag you into Hell with me._

_ Not this time, though. I'll be gone, but you can carry on. You're stronger than you look. I've always told you that. You just have to keep going. Tell the kids it wasn't their fault, too. They'll probably never believe you, so make sure, when they're older, they see the words written in this ink, the blood of my soul. _

_ I'm getting mushy now so I should really end this before I change my mind. Damn. You aren't even in the room and I'm still writing down my every stream of conscious thought. I guess, deep down, I want you to know how I feel. I just can't write it, I hate the sound of my own voice, and I can't even begin to explain how I've let you down._

_ I should really give this gun back to my mother. It's hers, after all. I've never had much luck with it. Shouldn't start tempting fate now. If I burn this and you read it one day, I hope it's when I'm eighty and senile. Or when I'm dying of cancer from all the smoking I do. I said I would quit and we had the kids and I still couldn't. See? _

_ I can't decide if I want to set down the pen or put the gun in my mouth. I really can't. I do know I love you. Like I said, I may not remember that exact moment, but I remember you. I remember my love for you and how its grown all these years. The experiences we've had together, the many times we've almost broken up... Hell, that time I actually did lose my temper and I hit you and it brought back all that shit. You really should've just got me back. You know. Traumatize both of us so we're even. _

_ Ha, you'd tell me not to be so morbid I guess. I'm really not on the surface. At least I didn't think I was. I can say I've been geuinely happy for a long time. It's just... light fades. Darkness is forever. _

_ Maybe by the time I sit down for the next draft (and how could you not have found ONE of these all these years?) you'll actually find it. You'll come to me and pull me out of this cave again, like before. The one I keep slipping into. If you would just let go of my hand, I could go. But for now, you're grasp is firm in mine. So, I'll stay, because I love you. _

_ Yamato_


End file.
